To The First Boy I Loved Before

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Young love? Most of the time, it never actually worked out. But then, young love is the sweetest. When puberty blossomed, hormones started to go crazy, everything comes after that. Falling in love in such a young age was a trouble that almost everyone never regrets.

To my first love,

As a young girl with raging hormones, I was excited to fall in love. Then you came to my life, unexpectedly. I had no idea how a relationship works at that time. Yet I knew I already fell in love with you. We were both young, we’re so in love and so naïve. Reminiscing memories pulled me back to the old times.

I never wanted to end what we had. I never had the thought of going on without you. But still, you left. Going back when I cried for a hundred of times asking myself, ‘What went wrong?’ still had me weeping. Questions are still on my mind, on my heart. Unanswered questions that haunted me after you left. Why did you left me? Did I do something wrong? Nothing is clear.

Then one day, someone came, relaying a message from your family. At such a young age, I had to bear with the heart break you gave. I didn’t even get over on it and yet another one came. My unanswered questions were never meant to be answered. I was meant to be left by you, forever.

It was the first time I cried for a boy. It was the first time experienced crying in the shower soaking myself to death. It was the first time I stared blank at something while my hands are holding the fork and spoon. It was the first time I actually lost my appetite. It was the first time I looked up and asked God, ‘Why?’ It was the first time I had a boyfriend. It was the first time that I felt the undying pain in my chest. It was the first time that I loved but then you are gone, forever.

I know that even though you’re gone, you’re still with me, inside my heart. If given a chance to talk to you again, I would gladly say, “Thank you for being my first love. Thank you for being the first boy I shed my tears with. I love you, forever and always.”

Love,

Jae.

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own the photo.

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